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Pushover Parent  
by Cheryl Gochnauer, Homebodies.org

"Did you see that 3-year-old with the pacifier?"

"Look - they're still pushing their kindergartner around in a stroller."

"I can't believe they're letting their brat get away with that. Man, what pushovers!"

"I'll never do that."

Ah, the innocence of parenting without children. It's the ultimate in backseat driving.

Being an involved mom means you know your offspring. You spot tantrums coming and know what it takes to bring them under control. Unfortunately, your mood management techniques may not match what the nearby crowd expects.

Embarrassed? Yes. Swayed from what you know will work? Hopefully not.

"Every parent knows how to best deal with their own child," notes Caryn, a Missouri mom discussing this topic with her Mothers of Preschoolers support group. "Those around me may be pressuring me to take my disciplining to the 'severe' level when I don't think it's necessary. Usually, it's people who don't have kids, or grandparents who have forgotten what parenting is like."

Caryn refuses to nitpick her child all day simply because someone else expects it. "They don't know that if I don't let her do this now, something worse will happen in two hours." So Caryn may choose to let something slide, instead of constantly correcting her child.

As you can imagine, such an attitude can spark a flare-up with relatives or friends, especially if you're visiting at their house. Diffuse the situation by talking with your hosts privately before you arrive, giving them an idea of how you usually discipline your children. That way, if someone starts acting up, your hosts - whether they agree or not - already know how you'll be handling it. If they don't like it, the advance notice gives them time withdraw their invitation!

Although we want to give our kids some wiggle room, be considerate of others. It's one thing to take a fussy toddler to the grocery store, where fellow shoppers will only be irritated for a few minutes. It's a totally different matter to take him to a romantic restaurant or theater, ruining the evening for aggravated couples around you.

If we're flexible with our children, there's a good chance they'll be understanding when we need it, too. Caryn remembers a recent example. She was newly pregnant, sick, and had been grumpy all day. Finally, she felt she had to apologize to her daughter. "Mommy's sorry, Caity. I don't feel good, and I lost my patience. You're a good girl."

"Mommy, it's okay. I forgive you," Caity answered. "You're doing a good job with that baby in your tummy."

A little bit of give and take makes relationships all better.

Homebodies is available as a free weekly email newsletter. To subscribe, visit Cheryl's website at www.homebodies.org. Her book, "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom," is available at The Light Keeper's Bookstore..  

copyright 2003 Cheryl Gochnauer and Homebodies.org, LLC - All rights reserved.

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