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His Money, or Ours?
by Cheryl Gochnauer, Homebodies.org

"After many months of deliberation, it has been decided that I will quit my job of 8 years to raise my two beautiful girls" says Elizabeth, whose children are 5 and 2. "My husband and I are extremely happy and enthusiastic about this change, and we both know that it will improve the quality of all our lives, but I need a little advice.

"My husband and I have been married for 9 years, and have both always worked," she continues. "We are best friends, and there have never been any power trips between us. We are going to have a date soon to discuss how this new plan will work.

"My question is this: How do we balance chores, spending money/allowances, and that sort of thing, without either of us feeling resentful? Should there be a percentage of his income that is an even allowance for each of us, or is it true that he earns the money, and I get what he gives me? (Please don't say the latter!)"

Money issues can constitute a huge stumbling block for any couple, whether the wife works or not. So it is vitally important that you and your husband understand and support each other in this area.

My husband, Terry, and I view his paycheck as belonging to the entire family, not just him. Yes, he is the only one being paid, but he is not the only one working.

Imagine how much Terry would have to pay if I wasn't doing my part to keep our family going! You've probably already seen the breakdown of what it would cost a husband to hire someone else to do what his stay-at-home wife does: accountant, daycare worker, laundress, cook, driver, housekeeper, preschool teacher and older student tutor, decorator, seamstress, counselor, personal shopper, etc. etc. etc. Since it would be too confusing to sort out exactly how much I should be paid for each individual job I do for the family, Terry and I figure we're an equally-matched team and consider the one paycheck OURS, 50-50.

I am not a kept woman. I am a vibrant, integral part of this marriage and this family. I hold an important job as an at-home mother. My husband understands this, and values me, just as I value him for his role. Mutual respect is essential, and I must say that it is a wise man who recognizes the immense worth of a woman who desires to focus her energies on nurturing him and his children, especially in a world that encourages her daily to do just the opposite. 

Comments?  E-mail Cheryl@homebodies.org, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org.  Her book, "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom," is
available at your favorite bookstore.  

copyright 2003 Cheryl Homebodies.org, LLC - All rights reserved.

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