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Homebodies Spotlight: One Husband's Transition
by Cheryl Gochnauer, Homebodies.org

Stephanie has been an at-home parent for about 10 months, and loves it. But like many wives, she ran into resistance from her husband when she first expressed her desire to stay home with their children. Here's a look at how they worked through their conflicting stances.

Q: What was your husband's initial reaction when you brought up becoming a SAH wife and mother?

He was dead set against it; said we were in no financial position to even consider it. He was somewhat correct about that, but it was not as grave as he initially made it out to be.

Q: How long did it take him to come around?

I first brought it up around September 1999, when our second child was an infant and we had two in daycare, nine hours a day. I resigned my job in June 2000, so 9 months.

Q: What kind of evidence/information did you use to sway him?

I drew up a detailed budget of how much I made in take-home pay, and how over half of that went for daycare tuition payments. Add gas, lunches out, work clothes, dry cleaning, etc. Another biggie was the dramatic change for the worse in our older son's behavior. He picked up all sorts of bad habits due to being moved up into an inadequately staffed room at the daycare center. His other rooms were great, but this one was a disaster! Also, I showed my husband that I could not keep up with a full time job, two kids in daycare, keeping house, and attending to our marriage without having a nervous breakdown. He finally got the picture.

Q: Has your one-time hesitant husband ever expressed any resentment or regret that he agreed to bringing you home?

No, never. We compromised; I waited to resign until after he took a better paying position and was in that job for about 6 months. We paid down some debt, drew up a budget and socked away as much of my salary as possible. We barely feel the pinch financially, which leads me to believe that my salary was virtually non-existent after expenses. I think most husbands worry about the finances first and are resistant to the SAHM idea until you convince them that you will be okay without that extra salary. And now my husband comments on the improvement in our household and children all of the time.

As Stephanie illustrated, money concerns can cause a knee-jerk "No way!" reaction from husbands when the stay-at-home subject is first laid on the table. But keep those lines of communication open and look at all your options, together. Then make family-focused decisions that both spouses can support wholeheartedly. 

Cheryl recently appeared in a feature story in The Kansas City Star about families living on one income. Read the story online! 

Comments?  E-mail Cheryl@homebodies.org, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org.  Her book, "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom," is available at The Light Keeper's Bookstore..  

copyright 2003 Cheryl Homebodies.org, LLC - All rights reserved.

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