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Looking for Eden
by Cheryl Gochnauer, Homebodies.org

I think everybody has experienced the sensation at one time or another. It's that "what's wrong with this picture?" feeling that seeps over us when we're mismatched to our situation.

Maybe you're a country person transplanted to the city, a gregarious fun-lover tip-toeing around a monastery, or a homebody stuck in downtown traffic, heading to the office.

Whatever the dynamics, the unshakeable impression is, "I don't belong here."

"In the environment that I work in (corporate dog-eat-dog-don't-turn-your-back-on-anyone-if-you-know-what's-good-for-you world), I stick out like a three-headed Martian," says Kathleen, who works in a high-powered publishing office. "When I mention my goal is to be home with my girls, people actually laugh."

Kathleen is undeterred, however, and continues to contemplate an alternative at-home lifestyle. The key for Kathleen and any other parent presently delayed in their quest to come home is to keep focused on the goal, and to remain open to possibilities as they present themselves.

A positive attitude is critical. Listen to this anonymous mom who felt herself slipping into despair because she couldn't quit work right away: "I thought about it constantly. Sought advice on how to do it. I almost became obsessed with the desire to be a full-time mommy. I found myself throwing happiness away with both hands. I didn't enjoy my children, my husband, my students, my friends, my church. I didn't have time to enjoy those things. I had to find a way to come home!"

Having been a working mom for six years, I can empathize with this young mother's worries. But I think we should cut ourselves some slack. Sure, becoming a full-time, at-home mom is a worthy and admirable goal. But for many women who want to attain that prize, it will take time. There are plans to be laid; bills to be paid. Rare is the woman who decides today that she wants to be home, and tomorrow finds herself there.

Committing financial suicide by quitting a job without first planning for the transition helps no one, including your children. So what do you do in the meantime? You do the very best you can with the situation you're in. If circumstances won't allow you to quit work all at once, aim at going part-time.

Keep looking at that schedule. Where can you cut? Can you work four days instead of five? Thirty hours instead of forty? A straight forty-hour week, instead of regularly sticking around for overtime?

Yes, it would be great to have the flexibility available to a full-time, at-home parent. But don't discount the benefits of small steps in that direction. As you're working toward your dream of coming home, here are some tips on carving precious minutes out of your full-time working schedule:

* Reduce drive time by taking a job close to home.

* Find a sitter close to work, so you can visit during lunch and enjoy the back and forth commute together.

* Take a half-hour lunch, and get off earlier or come in later.

* Negotiate with your employer to see if you can do some - or all - of your work from home.

* Develop your own home-based business.

Comments?  E-mail Cheryl@homebodies.org, or visit her website at
www.homebodies.org.  Her book, "So You Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom," is
available at The Light Keeper.com Bookstore!  

copyright 2003 Cheryl Homebodies.org, LLC - All rights reserved.

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